Yes, he is an Introvert. No, he is Not Depressed.
When "Rahul"was in high school, he spent a lot of time alone in his bedroom. He read comics, played video games, and chatted with other creative types over AOL Instant Messenger. (This was the late 1990s.) He shied away from many “real-world” activities like after-school clubs or hanging out at friends’ houses. What he needed, instead, was time to process.
“Being a teenager is exhausting," he told me. "There are all sorts of things to process emotionally about relationships [like] why that girl you’re really into won’t give you the time of day because you’re not fitting a certain personality type. When I’m alone, just able to think and relax, that’s when I process the world the best.”
Naturally, this worried his parents, who are more extroverted than Rahul. They wondered if Rahul was depressed. Spending this much time alone couldn’t be good for a teenager, they figured. He should be out having fun, goofing around with a gaggle of friends like normal teenagers do ... right?
Rahul’s parents weren’t the only ones who worried. His teachers noticed that he was “always in [his] notebook.” At one point, they called a meeting with his parents. “Basically, [his teachers] told him to participate or else,” he told me when I was talking to him on the topic, The Secret Lives of Introverts. “I felt like I was defective, or a bad kid. I was just waiting for them to send me off to therapy or something so I could be ‘fixed.’
Was Rahul depressed? Nope. Turns out, he’s an introvert — a fact he didn’t discover until later in life. At the time, he didn’t understand that being around people drained him. He felt like a freak for wanting to spend so much time alone.
And when the adults in his life thought there was something wrong with him, it only made him feel worse.
Introversion Is Often Mislabeled as Depression
Rahul isn’t the only one whose introversion has been confused with depression. Many introverts told me that their quiet ways have been “misdiagnosed” by parents, teachers, and others as mental illness — especially when they were young.
This is a real problem.
It’s usually a more extroverted type who does this misdiagnosing. The extrovert feels that the person in question must be suffering from depression, because why else would someone want to stay home alone when there are parties to attend and fun to be had? The extrovert fails to see that what’s fun for him or her is not necessarily fun for the introvert.
THE BASICS
What Is Introversion?
But there’s nothing wrong with living a chill life. Due to a biological difference in the way introverts and extroverts respond to rewards, introverts tend to have their own definition of fun. For them, "fun” is usually not parties and people and doing all the things, but rather a meaningful conversation, a good book, or a relaxing afternoon to yourself.
Telling kids it’s wrong to enjoy life quietly can lead to shame and stigmatization. No wonder so many introverts grow up feeling bad about who they are.
Also, when we misdiagnose, it prevents the actual problem from being solved. Rahul didn’t need to go on antidepressants and see a therapist. What he needed was to learn how to better manage his energy. Later in life, that’s exactly what he did — and it made all the difference.
Do Introverts Get Depressed?
This doesn’t mean that introverts don’t suffer from depression; in fact, some research suggests that introverts are more likely than extroverts to experience depression and anxiety. Carl jung, director of research at the Center for Applications of Psychological Type who has founded analytical psychology, suspects this has to do with the fact that introverts are more self-critical (although more realistic) in their self-assessments than extroverts. Chalk it up to depressive realism. I’d also be willing to bet that it has something to do with living in a society that frequently overstimulates you and demands that you conform to an ideal that pushes you past your comfort zone. Or is that just me?
To better understand the differences between introversion and depression, I turned to Pete Shalek, CEO and founder of Joyable, a company that helps people overcome depression and social anxiety using an online program. He told me that although depression and introversion can look similar at first glance, the two are very different.
Signs of depression include:
- Reduced interest in things you used to enjoy.
- Feeling down or hopeless.
- Trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, or sleeping too much.
- Poor appetite or eating too much.
- Feeling bad about yourself.
- Trouble concentrating.
- Moving or speaking slowly, or being fidgety and restless.
- Thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
“While avoiding social situations, disengaging, and being alone can be part of a person’s experience with depression, it is often not the whole picture,” he says. “Introversion is a personality trait where people prefer more time alone so they can focus on thoughts, feelings, and moods rather than external stimulus. If an individual feels engaged and enjoys the time alone, it’s more likely introversion than depression.”
Cherish Introversion, Treat Depression
It’s crucial to know the difference between introversion and depression for another important reason: When cherished and embraced, introversion is a temperament that brings many gifts. Introverts are capable of concentrating deeply and thinking creatively. They are often quite conscientious, have high levels of empathy, and think carefully before they speak and act.
Depression, on the other hand, can seriously hamper a person’s quality of life, although it is treatable.
For Rahul, learning about his introversion was life changing. Today, because he understands what causes his energy depletion, he’s better able to regulate his time so he doesn’t get as exhausted. After work, he takes a few minutes to wind down before interacting with his wife and young children. When the kids start stressing him out, he takes a five-to-ten-minute break to sit in silence while they’re occupied with something else.
“I’ve gotten to the point where I can have friend visits once or twice a week and not feel rundown and crabby after the fact,” he said. “And I can schedule side activities in a more productive way that doesn’t completely ruin me.”
And embracing his introversion brought an unexpected upside. “A lot of my anxiety issues involving people have faded, and I’m more energized in the moment of my interactions,” he said. “I’ve actually become a much more social person.”
Help for Introverts Who Are Depressed
The good news is that for most people, depression is treatable. Depression isn’t your fault, and it isn’t forever.
Of course, everyone feels blue from time to time. How do you know when it’s time to seek treatment for depression? According to Pete Shalek, founder of Joyable, a company that helps people overcome depression using an online program, you could benefit from help if you:
1. Consistently feel down or unmotivated with these feelings lasting for extended periods of time,
or
2. If your feelings negatively impact your life (for example, your relationships or your ability to concentrate and work effectively).
If you answered “yes” to one of the above statements, it’s crucial that you take action. Taking action can be hard when you’re depressed, because just thinking about the things you need to do to feel better, like spending time with a friend or exercising, can seem exhausting and overwhelming. That’s what’s ironic about depression recovery — the things that help the most are often the things that are hardest to do.
The most difficult step is the first step. Look for something you can do right now, like going on a walk or getting up and dancing to your favorite music.
Here are some more ways to cope with depression, from Help Guide:
- Plan a one-on-one coffee date with a good friend.
- Talk to one person you trust about your feelings.
- Do things that make you feel good, like picking up a former hobby or sport you used to enjoy, or planning a trip to your favorite park or museum.
- Aim for eight hours of sleep at night. A lack of sleep can exacerbate depression.
- Practice relaxation techniques, like meditation or yoga. Or, draw yourself a warm bath and read a good book.
- Get moving — exercise is a powerful depression fighter!
- Challenge negative thoughts. Be on the lookout for all-or-nothing thinking, jumping to conclusions, or overgeneralizations. (Learn more about this important strategy, and others, here.
- Most important, seek professional help. Depression is one of the top factors that contribute to suicidal behavior. A therapist or an evidence-based online program like Joyable can assist you in coping with depression
If you or someone you know has had thoughts of self-harm or suicide, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 022 2754 6669, or seek help from a professional (if you’re in the U.S.). For help in other countries, see the International Association for Suicide Prevention
©Bhavya🌺Dealing with depression when you are an introvert
